Remember the first night you kissed me? I had butterflies like crazy, and the feeling was overwhelming! Remember my 16th birthday, and how we spent it in my room intertwined with eachother listening to music and watching movies and sleeping for 2 nights? Remember when we couldn’t wait to see eachother after I’d spend a long weekend in Eagle River? Remember when we’d talk so deeply at night about anything and everything until we’d pass out at 4am? Remember walking to Paige’s, and staying the night at her house, and the bee that she was so terrified of, and how it wouldn’t die no matter how hard you shook it? Remember all the songs we made ours? All the last second trips to Tesoro? All the energy drinks and video games? Remember how we lived together in the same room for 4 months? And you had to deal with all my depressed shit? Remember when you took my fucking virginity? And all the 130 odd times we fucked after that? And how only 10% of the sex actually meant something to you? Remember? I do. And I cherrish those memories. Haha they even make me happy, I’m glad I experienced them.
I’m lonely. I need someone to fill the void, but no one interests me like you do, darling.
Tears, tears, wasted tears.
And you never would have thought in the end,
How amazing it feels just to live again,
It’s a feeling that you cannot miss,
And it burns a hole, through everyone that feels it.
Well you’re never gonna find it
If you’re looking for it, won’t come your way, yeah
Well you’ll never find it, if you’re looking for it.
Should’ve done something, but I’ve done it enough.
By the way, your hands were shaking.
Rather waste some time with you.
You remember our song?
There’s so much shit I’ve been holding in.. I’ve been keeping my thoughts, my feelings and my urges from you. Because I know you don’t want to hear it. I try posting it on Tumblr.. But it’s not the same. I’m going to explode.
I don’t know why I’m being such a big fucking baby about this. It happens all the fucking time to everyone, you’re heart gets broken and omg nothing’s the same. It happens to EVERYONE. But no, I’m sitting here crying, wishing things could’ve gone more perfect with him. Because he’s beautiful underneath all the shit. I know it. And I want him so badly, the one I’m most comfortable with. The one I can trust, and the one that makes me feel safe and secure. I just want to be there one last time.. To be in our bed, falling asleep next to eachother, knowing that if I have a nightmare he’d be next to me, ready to make me feel better. I just want to go back to the memories and live there for the rest of my life.
